Christian Dating Blog: An Introduction

Well here it is. The blog about Christian Dating. I've had some time to think through exactly who I wanted to read this, who I think it would help, who I'd like to offend and who I thought would find this terribly amusing.

And the answer to all four questions, remarkably, is YOU.

This will be a 3 part blog posted over the next three days.

I suppose some definitions are in order before we begin.

1: Christian: someone who is spiritually born-again and following Jesus Christ and committed to to being sanctified by God's Word and who has a repentant heart and has submitted themselves to God's total authority in their life.

SO, if that is you, then this blog is for you.

(if that isn't you, you should still read it, but there will be a special part at the end just for you, so I hope you stay tuned and finish it.)

2. Dating: for this exercise we're going to define dating as the process of getting to know a person of the opposite sex in order to see if they are marriage material.

Because of that definition of dating, we are precluding any relationship that is involved in any sexual contact outside of marriage. If you're a Christian and that sounds like your relationship, I would recommend ending the relationship (for now at least) and repenting of your sexual sin and committing your life to purity and looking for a relationship that helps you do the same. I can tell you with full assurance: If you want to be in God's will during your life, abstaining from all sexual sin is non-negotiable. (1 Thessalonians 4:3)


With that said, lets begin with part one:

Love Drunk + Blind Eyes + Unrealistic Expectations = Bad Marriage Material


Everyone I know wants to be in a healthy love-driven relationship. I can see it in people's eyes: there is a longing to be loved fully and to fully give love away. There is desire to be wanted. Everyone wants to be wanted. Everyone wants to be missed when they aren't around. You do. I do too. We all want someone to tell us that they love us and actually mean it. We want to look into someone's eyes and be brought to tears because of how much we love them. We want to be known truly by someone and have them still love us with a love that pushes passed conditions and limits. We want a love that is ridiculous and we want to love someone ridiculously.

Every girl dreams of a wedding; every boy of the wedding night....awkward. There is within us a driving desire to be together with another; to be two and yet, somehow, be one.

God put that desire within us and it is a good desire.

Genesis 2:18

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."

God created man and it was good. But God says, even though how He created man was good, it wasn't best: best was to have a companion; to have a helper fit for him.

For most people, marriage will be a part of their life. Most adults you know are married. Most parents I know have been married. Marriage is a good thing; actually, a great thing. God created marriage and even performed the first marriage ceremony. Marriage should be a life goal for most people. It's the second most important decision you'll ever make; the first being your decision to repent of your sin and receive Jesus Christ as your Savior, but we'll get to that in another post.

Although I'm not married, yet, (taking applications ladies: knowing ancient Greek and how to cook/being a model are some of the qualifications if your'e interested in applying) I know what a good marriage looks like (from seeing them in action) and I know what a bad marriage looks like (from seeing them in action and helping with counseling). I'm convinced that most marital problems that surface during marriage are actually problems that existed during the dating phase of the relationship but were not addressed and therefore went unchecked and unresolved.

Simply put, during the courtship phase, not many people take the time to get passed the surface of romantic attraction.

Not many people take the time to get passed the surface of romantic attraction.


How many young ladies do you know who are dating an idiot that everyone knows is wrong for her but she can't see because she's simply smitten and blind to reality?

Answer: most likely, quite a few.

In the smitten beginnings of a blossoming love affair, the young emotionally entangled couple will be so love drunk that they normally won't be able to see the signs of an unhealthy pattern of life. For example, a guy will overlook that his girlfriend is a raving gossip because when she's with him, "Bryce, she's just amazing!" Or, a young lady will overlook or just not see the fact that her boyfriend sometimes hits things when he's angry over a sports game because, "Bryce you just don't understand, he's so sweet and nice to me when we're alone."

News flash: those characteristics do not vanish when the wedding is over: they intensify and become all too serious.

Major character flaws are overlooked. Unqualified and unrealistic expectations aren't communicated and then: Dating turns into engagement and engagement turns into a wedding and a wedding turns into a young couple sitting in my office talking about divorce, saying things like,

"She/He isn't the person I married!"

Yes she/he is. You just weren't looking. Those characteristics were present. Your friends probably saw them. Some may have even risked your friendship and told you about them. Who knows, you may have even ended that friendship because you wouldn't dare believe that your boy/girlfriend was anything but the perfect one for you. And then when the dust settles, you're stuck in a bad marriage because you didn't take the time to really get to know this person you were absolutely in love with.

The good news, for those of you in that situation, is that there is hope for you. Your marriage isn't doomed. No marriage is doomed until the couple decides that their commitment is no longer worth the hard work of marriage. Because marriage is hard work.

For those of us on the front side of the wedding, my hope and prayer is that these next few blogs will be a spiritual and emotional encouragement to you. I am praying that they will sharpen you. I'm praying that they will help guide you in your pursuit of the love of your life, the "helper" fit for you. The person that God designed to walk with you through this life as you seek to Glorify Him in all you do.

Over the next few days, I'm going to ask you to put your thinking cap on. I'm going to ask you to allow your emotions to be driven by truth. To seek to understand that God's plan for you is one that is marked by wisdom. To seek a person whose life is marked by Faith, Hope and Love. And since we all know that the greatest of these is LOVE, we're going to take a look at what love is, according to the Bible and allow that to guide our journey of becoming the kind of person that would be good for someone to marry.


So buckle up, it's gonna be a great ride.

Until tomorrow,
bryce

Ps, i'm praying for you and i love you.