A couple weekends ago I was invited by some friends to hang out at Wired Coffee House which is run by Andy and Nina Fuller of Youth Inc. ministries. I always enjoy being there; always enjoy the time I spend with my friends in such a warm atmosphere. Apparently Wired was very busy this night because of the two haunted houses within one block of walking distance of this downtown coffee shop. So, with great expectations of a fun night, I put down my book and headed out the door.
Immediately, as I walked up to the windowed store front coffee shop, my joy quotient sky-rocketed as I saw my oldest nephew standing inside. My nephews, Christopher, a Freshman at USI, and Blake, a Junior at Reitz, were there for the evening hanging out with some hockey buddies playing floor hockey inside the coffee shop. Yes, playing floor hockey inside the coffee shop.
I spent the next 15 minutes or so telling jokes to my nephews to solidify, in my mind at least, that I'm certainly the coolest and, 'most cleverest,' uncle in the entire world. There's something about the ability to make them laugh that really brings great delight to my life when I'm around them. Hopefully, they're reading this and would agree.
As we were, 'hangin loose,' which is a cool phrase the youngin's say these days that means spending quality time together, four girls from North High School walked into the coffee shop and informed us that some man was hitting a woman across the street in the parking lot. I immediately left the shop to see what was going on and ran into my friend and fellow church member, Jody. I asked him to walk with me across the street.
We saw the couple in question. They were behind a tree. Both were incredibly intoxicated; the man could barely stand, the woman wobbling as silent tears streamed down her cheeks. I needed a reason to be there so I asked a question, "do yall know where the haunted houses are?" (I realize the ridiculousness of this question in light of the fact that from where we were standing we could see both haunted houses...but because they were so drunk, they both said no.) Now that we were best friends because of my awesome question, I felt the closeness needed to ask the woman if she was alright. She, through sobs, said no.
Kim (she told us her name) asked to use my phone to call her daughter. I then asked Kim to go across the street with Jody to get her away from her husband of 25 years who had just hit her in the mouth and knocked her down to the ground. Jody took her across the street and began to minister to her as best as you can to someone who is blasted on alcohol and has just been beaten by their husband.
I began to ask questions of the husband. He basically ignored all my inquiries and stumbled to the ground. He asked me where his wife had gone. I replied that she went across the street. I told him that I need to make a phone call but that I would be right back and for him not to leave. I called the police and reported the crime. They showed up and did their thing.
Long story short:
1. she didn't press charges
2. she wouldn't allow the arresting officer to take her picture so the county could press charges for her (which they can do in Domestic Violence cases)
3. the husband went to jail for public intoxication
4. my night resumed
lessons learned:
1. man, by himself, is a big stinking mess.
Since Genesis chapter 3, with the deception of man by the devil, and the subsequent Fall of mankind into a sinful nature and absolute moral decay, our whole story has been marked with one defining characteristic: death. Whether it be the death of the relationship between Adam and Eve with God, or in every relationship ever since, the big idea is that we constantly hurt one another and by ourselves. There is war and famine and pain and death all over the world. The man in the parking lot is just a small example of what happens in each human heart at every moment of every day.
2. it's easy to see the gross sins of others and see ourselves as better.
Just as soon as Adam and Eve sinned, they learned to shift the blame of what they had done. When confronted about his sin by God, Adam pointed to Eve and Eve pointed to the Serpent. One thing this world isn't short of: people comparing themselves to the righteousness of other people. But the Bible is clear: our only comparison is the Lord Jesus. And to be right before God, we're supposed to be perfect as God is perfect. So although this man's sin of hurting his wife is surely a worse sin than say, your grandma accidentally breaking the speed limit, even unequal sins lead to the same destination: separation from God.
3. we live in a culture that celebrates violence against women by virtue of millions of our dollars buying up music that grossly anti-woman and pro-violence.
Have you ever listened to or bought an album by: Ice-cube, Emimem, Snoop-Dog, Too$hort, Johnny Cash...yes Johnny Cash? Well if you have, then you have supported a group that has glorified violence against women. Each one of those artists have written and sung songs about hurting and murdering women. I don't presume to say that people beat their wives because they listen to Johnny Cash. But I would argue that a culture that accepts with praise, the violent misogynistic lyrics of such groups, doesn't necessarily take seriously the gross sin of domestic violence.
4. many times, victims of the sin of domestic violence refuse to press any charges
In the instances when I have been a witness to or pulled into a case of domestic violence against women, in almost every case, the woman refused to press charges against the husband/boyfriend who hurt her. I'm sure there are many reasons that factor into a decision to not press charges. But I think one of the underlying issues could be that the perceived shame attached to a situation involving domestic violence keeps women from pressing charges against their attackers. Obviously, the shame belongs solely to the man who hits a woman. But when a woman is married to her attacker, I can understand why she wouldn't want it to be public knowledge that he was abusing her. Regardless of whether or not she does press charges, she should be supported in her recovery and healing process.
5. how many people walked by the woman while she was being attacked?
One of the most difficult things of this event for me to process has been the idea that so many people must have seen what was happening and done nothing. The truth is that downtown was crowded with tons of people that night. Two huge haunted houses, a wine tasting and other events made sure that the streets were populated with people. How many people saw what was happening before some high school girls, whose consciences were stronger than their apathy, finally found an adult to tell about the crime that was being committed?
James 4:17 says, "Whoever knows what is right and doesn't do it, sins."
6. Everything we do sets an example to those around us about how to live.
I'm not really sure what my nephews think about their puny old uncle running out the door to confront some dude beating his wife. What I do know is this: running out the door to confront a wife beating drunk is the right thing to do. It's something that I would tell any man to do. Two of the many things I want my nephews growing up knowing:
a. it's never ok for a man to hit a woman
b. it's always ok to physically stop a man from hitting a woman
Everything we do sets an example to those around us about how to live.
Therefore: do the right thing.
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